I've come back to this blog to rant about someone... not that I don't like her, I do love her, she's really nice as a person. But I feel as though she's always either annoyed or hyper when I'm around her... when she is annoyed, I cop it all, I notice that she is rarely annoyed at others. I just don't understand it... maybe I just easily make people annoyed at me? When she is annoyed (at me), I never really know why it's the case, I usually don't feel I was wrong in any way to trigger it... but at these times, she seems to talk to other people normally. I just don't like being around her when she is annoyed... I did try to walk away a few times because it just got me annoyed. When I'm annoyed, I just walk away and calm myself down... I don't like having other people cop it.

Aside from that... I've been a lightbulb for her and someone else twice soo far and I just don't like the situation, it just makes me feel awkward/weird so I don't say much on instinct. Apparently, I am told that it's not doing them a favour at all, it's not nice and makes them both feel awkward and weird? So, I'm led to believe that if I don't talk or I do talk but not much, there's something wrong with me (just cause I normally talk a lot! ><). But seriously, how can you not feel awkward when you're the lightbulb between 2 people who like each other and where you're trying to distance yourself from the guy, who you don't want to fall for? When I am a lightbulb, I try to make myself feel less awkward by playing with my phone, letting them talk and walk together... I suppose that's not the right thing to do? I did notice that they talk more when I'm not around, which leads me to wonder why they need me around. I know that they were being nice when they waited for me so that we could all walk to the station together but I tried to escape it by asking them to leave first. Which failed... I did apologise for making everything weird/awkward and that it as my fault because I do feel bad for it but at the same time, to only be told that she didn't say it was my fault. I obviously didn't understand that considering I got told not to do that again and that it wasn't nice... considering this is not the first time I lightbulbed. The last time, the same thing happened, I just can't help but to not say anything in those situations because I want them to talk to each other more but they talk less when I'm there which frustrates me. She should know by now that I can't adapt to "acting normal" in such a situation so maybe she will stop putting me in such a position.

Another thing which annoys me about both of them is that... she asks him to go to places with our group and he does accept... only to have them both not communicating much throughout the event! Aish, I just can't stand the fact that this is what is occupying my mind, their relationship seriously has nothing to do with me. But also to think that he supposedly likes another girl at the same time... I don't even know why he let's say "leads her on".

In saying this, hopefully she will think twice before putting me in such a situation again... it's not going to do any good for her, him and me...

That's it from me and I guess this sure makes me feel a little better that I could get this out of my system though thank god I had stopped thinking about this at work too!

Haven't been on this blog since September last year! Nothing interesting to post about these days, although I did just posted on my other blog... Just chilling with my music & surfing the net so I found this blog again. Life has been alright recently, now that finals for semester 2 of uni has finished & I'm PHREE for 3 & 1/2 months so that's quite exciting. Uni has been kinda hard for first year but I think/hope that I got through it fine.

Funny thing is I went back to my livejournal that I have neglected for a long time now & read my entries from ages ago like in Year 9 I think... those days with my boy craziness, not that I'm not like that these days but the entries were quite interesting. I didn't even remember that I had written them! But I remember that in this blog, there's something about this boy. *cough* Well reading these entries has made me laugh at how stupid I was in those days, getting soo upset about boys, I hope that I'm not like that these days... but I think I'm less likely to get upset about those things that's cause I don't think I actually like anyone right now.

Hmm, that's all I have to say at the moment. =)

It's been a while since I blogged on this account well blog. I feel that I've grown as a person in my opinion. Recently, I've been able to stick to a few of my decisions that I make. Which is a very good thing, like today for instant, I got away from being persuaded to go to karaoke with help from some of my t-quads, thanks! I swear I was tempted but then thought the better and it felt good even though I wasted time at home but better than having my parents getting pissed and I saved some money too.

Hmm the other time I started going with my instincts was back at a party which unfortunately/fortunately I left just before it 'started'. I contradict myself because I guess it would unfortunate to the organisers of the party but it was what I need to do. I could bring myself to do something that I didn't think I could enjoy even if it meant I wasted a bit of time and money getting there.

On another note, I seriously need to work harder, I'm falling in the trap of procrastination too much. It's actually easier to procrastinate than to be persuaded into do something now, it used to be on the same level for me.

Being the last to know about/believe in something concerning you feels kind of unfair. I guess this how society works, people think you knew what was going on but you weren't sure or you chose not to believe in it. Why can't people just tell you straight off what's going on rather keep hinting it until you finally figure it out or have to ask for confirmation? I thought honesty was one of those important things in friendships well in any relationships. Sometimes I guess people don't value that policy as much as I do. I feel I'm usually honest to people about things but sometimes I don't get that in return. Where's the mutual honesty? But then again life isn't that great but we can always do things to live it in the best way.

Past few entries, well in fact most of entries are about crushes. I think I should stop worrying about these things. All i need right now are family, friends and a good HSC! Right now nothing should matter more than those three things in that order. Life goes on no matter what happens and there's things you have to eventually let go. Everything's hard to let go but everyone has to let go of something all the time whether it be feelings, possessions, etc. You shouldn't let things drag you down, just remember to look forward to the future and treasure the present. Though you should treasure memories too but try not to dwell on unhappy memories too much, stay happy! These advices I'm writing are not just for you guys but also for me to remember. =)

Recently something happened well more like i got told the truth about something which in the beginning made me sad and cry a little. But now i'm kind of over the sadness and thinking of this situation positively and i decided i'd develop a list of pro's of being friends rather than being bf & gf.

* Friendships last longer than relationships
* You don't get hurt as much or at all (depends on how good friends you are)
* Spend more time?
* You can do nearly anything together
* You'll be more comfortable around each other
* More trust and love xD
* You can make a fool of yourself and they won't care
* You can lean on their shoulder without having to worry about what they'd think
* You can be closer as friends rather than bf & gf
* You get to have more fun

That's all i can think of right now but some of them might not be right in other people's opinions. I'll come back to this blog and read this when i become sad again =) Still iffy about this situation but then i've decided to leave it at good friends and build the friendship and let everything to flow. I quite like leaving things to flow. Thanks to everyone for comforting me, I love you guys heaps! <3

Now that I've made my decision, I wonder if it's the right decision. Been listening to Bobby Tinsley a lot recently, his songs are really sad yet i still love listening to them. Hmm the lyrics of this title seem to make think whether to like someone and have them like you back is better than to like someone and have them not like you back. The first situation hurts just as bad as the second one. I better not think about this anymore before I make myself sadder than I already am. To think that I've always been stuck in the second situation, now that's it's the first, I don't know what to think. Is it a change for the better or for the worse? I think I'm confusing myself with using the words "first" and "second". The answer to my question will reveal itself after time, for now I should just let everything flow like I said I would.

Walking home today i've been thinking about what Mish had said to me, i dunno what i should be doing. I know i currently may not have time for this but it seems like this is something i have wanted for a while. How odd, when you want something to happen, it doesn't but when you don't, it does happen.

Maybe i shouldn't be thinking about this situation right now and let everything just flow rather than just trying to figure out something and burden myself. I've always been the type of person to care about other people's feelings first hence the title of my post. But now that i think of my current situation, it seems that in the end i'll be the one who will be hurt the most. This all may not make sense to you but I like to say things in an indirect way just to avoid being critised or critising others.

What should i do? It's hard for myself to let go but then it may be harder to make someone else let go, but i feel i must do something before the situation gets worse. Who knows the situation could turn out just right but i know deep down that nothing lasts forever. I feel i should do what hurts the least but maybe that's not the right decision. Mel is right, hurting someone else does hurt me maybe even more than hurting myself. The decisions i make will have to be made cautiously to limit the pain i may cause though in turn i will learn something new and have more experience, it's all part of an inner journey. I always believed in the morals "Keep trying" and "Never give up" and it makes me wonder what i need to consider in this current situation. You never know what will happen unless you try.

This kind of links to the game 500 xD Where when you're considering of bidding "Open Misere", the risk you take won't mean anything in this game but in life the risks do matter a lot. In this game, the risk would be that the 3 cards in the middle don't satisfy you and give you a disadvantage. In my problem, the risk is of losing a friend, I'd rather keep the friend than lose it but the decisions I make regarding this will affect the outcome. What if i decided to let go for my studies? Depending on the person, we either can still be friends or we won't be able to handle a friendship, though i prefer the former.

I can let the situation flow and see what opportunities come my way, though in the end the outcome wouldn't be a very happy one, in that case i'd lose this friend. I'm stuck on the fence, i'm kind of weighing to the side of just letting go to save the amount of pain that i will cause. But then this is a new experience for me and will benefit later on in life. I don't even know why this is bothering me so much, I know i have other things i should be doing right now but it just seems that i need to let all these thoughts out. I'm not one to leave everything to myself.