I've come back to this blog to rant about someone... not that I don't like her, I do love her, she's really nice as a person. But I feel as though she's always either annoyed or hyper when I'm around her... when she is annoyed, I cop it all, I notice that she is rarely annoyed at others. I just don't understand it... maybe I just easily make people annoyed at me? When she is annoyed (at me), I never really know why it's the case, I usually don't feel I was wrong in any way to trigger it... but at these times, she seems to talk to other people normally. I just don't like being around her when she is annoyed... I did try to walk away a few times because it just got me annoyed. When I'm annoyed, I just walk away and calm myself down... I don't like having other people cop it.

Aside from that... I've been a lightbulb for her and someone else twice soo far and I just don't like the situation, it just makes me feel awkward/weird so I don't say much on instinct. Apparently, I am told that it's not doing them a favour at all, it's not nice and makes them both feel awkward and weird? So, I'm led to believe that if I don't talk or I do talk but not much, there's something wrong with me (just cause I normally talk a lot! ><). But seriously, how can you not feel awkward when you're the lightbulb between 2 people who like each other and where you're trying to distance yourself from the guy, who you don't want to fall for? When I am a lightbulb, I try to make myself feel less awkward by playing with my phone, letting them talk and walk together... I suppose that's not the right thing to do? I did notice that they talk more when I'm not around, which leads me to wonder why they need me around. I know that they were being nice when they waited for me so that we could all walk to the station together but I tried to escape it by asking them to leave first. Which failed... I did apologise for making everything weird/awkward and that it as my fault because I do feel bad for it but at the same time, to only be told that she didn't say it was my fault. I obviously didn't understand that considering I got told not to do that again and that it wasn't nice... considering this is not the first time I lightbulbed. The last time, the same thing happened, I just can't help but to not say anything in those situations because I want them to talk to each other more but they talk less when I'm there which frustrates me. She should know by now that I can't adapt to "acting normal" in such a situation so maybe she will stop putting me in such a position.

Another thing which annoys me about both of them is that... she asks him to go to places with our group and he does accept... only to have them both not communicating much throughout the event! Aish, I just can't stand the fact that this is what is occupying my mind, their relationship seriously has nothing to do with me. But also to think that he supposedly likes another girl at the same time... I don't even know why he let's say "leads her on".

In saying this, hopefully she will think twice before putting me in such a situation again... it's not going to do any good for her, him and me...

That's it from me and I guess this sure makes me feel a little better that I could get this out of my system though thank god I had stopped thinking about this at work too!