Walking home today i've been thinking about what Mish had said to me, i dunno what i should be doing. I know i currently may not have time for this but it seems like this is something i have wanted for a while. How odd, when you want something to happen, it doesn't but when you don't, it does happen.

Maybe i shouldn't be thinking about this situation right now and let everything just flow rather than just trying to figure out something and burden myself. I've always been the type of person to care about other people's feelings first hence the title of my post. But now that i think of my current situation, it seems that in the end i'll be the one who will be hurt the most. This all may not make sense to you but I like to say things in an indirect way just to avoid being critised or critising others.

What should i do? It's hard for myself to let go but then it may be harder to make someone else let go, but i feel i must do something before the situation gets worse. Who knows the situation could turn out just right but i know deep down that nothing lasts forever. I feel i should do what hurts the least but maybe that's not the right decision. Mel is right, hurting someone else does hurt me maybe even more than hurting myself. The decisions i make will have to be made cautiously to limit the pain i may cause though in turn i will learn something new and have more experience, it's all part of an inner journey. I always believed in the morals "Keep trying" and "Never give up" and it makes me wonder what i need to consider in this current situation. You never know what will happen unless you try.

This kind of links to the game 500 xD Where when you're considering of bidding "Open Misere", the risk you take won't mean anything in this game but in life the risks do matter a lot. In this game, the risk would be that the 3 cards in the middle don't satisfy you and give you a disadvantage. In my problem, the risk is of losing a friend, I'd rather keep the friend than lose it but the decisions I make regarding this will affect the outcome. What if i decided to let go for my studies? Depending on the person, we either can still be friends or we won't be able to handle a friendship, though i prefer the former.

I can let the situation flow and see what opportunities come my way, though in the end the outcome wouldn't be a very happy one, in that case i'd lose this friend. I'm stuck on the fence, i'm kind of weighing to the side of just letting go to save the amount of pain that i will cause. But then this is a new experience for me and will benefit later on in life. I don't even know why this is bothering me so much, I know i have other things i should be doing right now but it just seems that i need to let all these thoughts out. I'm not one to leave everything to myself.

Well well well it's been 14 days since my last post, wait was it my first? *checks* Oh this is my third post haha i was thinking that but i needed to check. School's alright except maths and economics are waying me down because i'm so lazy that i can't be bothered to do homework every night and i just lie my head on the desk during lessons. Must learn to pay more attention, talk less, revise more and do my homework daily or i'll start dying slowing starting from this week in Year 12 >< I can't believe time has passed so quickly, today i was in the car home from dinner and thought of how i've been through 5 years of high school already. I still kinda remember some parts of Year 7, i guess time does fly not like i only noticed that mind you. =P One year later we'll doing our HSC and it will be very hectic and stressful and of course i will die.

I want to drop Economics, it's too boring and there's too many notes to remember but i have to make sure i can do 4U mathematics first, which i doubt i'm able to handle it even though i've always wanted to do it, ever since i heard about it in Year 9 or something like that from Mr Surjack at Belmore tutoring. I'm amazed i can remember that though i might be wrong with the details, it was something along those lines.

Nothing sentimental to talk about in this entry to everyone's disappointment, ohh wait sentimental could be happy things too write? *pauses to go to dictionary.com* Hmm sentiment - emotion, feeling, according to the site. Well i'm happy =)

Well it's good thing that we had a talk about everything, not necessarily everything mainly about the situation which has been putting me down a little. I finally realise that i shouldn't have been jealous or cut since he doesn't seem that worth it anyway. I'm glad that after this conversation on the phone we all feel much better about the current situation. Mish and Iris, we should always promise to be truthful about everything even if it was to hurt any of us yeah? Mel too wor =P though we're mostly truthful to each other, i feel as though you're the closest t-quad to me ^^ Maybe it's because you along with Iris and Mish understand me the most and i can say anything to you guys and you'll understand what i mean, can give me helpful advice and tum ngor hoi sum la!

Since that situation is becoming better, i shall smile cause i know smiling is fun because it makes everyone around you happy =) Smile like you mean it! Apparently you can't pretend you're happy when you're not, well i kinda think you can fake it just that some people aren't as good as others at it lol. Well if you're not happy, your friends will always put a smile on you, just talk to them about what is making you unhappy and they can help, trust me hehe.

<3 Sushi

Hmm went to play basketball with Mel and Jenny (she didn't actually play) at her church. It was pretty fun thought everyone was soo good and kept hogging the bball xD But best of all, my whole team each got a 3 pointer in the last game =) I also got to spend more time with Mel and Jenny though i wish Sarah came yesterday but she's not that into bball, what a shame!

Still dunno if i can go to the movie marathon but i don't wanna be pressured about it no more. I never understand how relationships well more like friendships work when all they do is demand answers from you. I don't need people to chuck demanding questions at me all the time, well the incident just than just made me breakdown and to think that i'd never breakdown under pressure. I guess someone was right afterall, i wish i could be right for once or maybe i sometimes am but people lead me to think i'm wrong. I hate being peer pressured and having what others say about me influence the decisions and my behaviour. I reckon i should listen to all the advice people have given me.

Well i guess this entry just turned into a sentimental one more than a "Happy Holidays" entry.
Finally somewhere i can actually share things without being critised about everything. I'm grate ful to have many friends but sometimes not everything works out and i can't figure out what to do about it. In the end all the problems come back to me when i least expect them and i dwell on them again. They say "Life is short so you should live it to the fullest" and "Life goes on even if you're happy or not, why don't you be happy?" but have you ever wondered that being happy makes time pass faster than wouldn't that make life even shorter? I believe life should have the ups and downs and that always think positively might not be a good way. Actually that it doesn't make sense to me so i'll leave it at here.